chopping block

There are so many people today that experience pain from one form of assertion or another that results in a withdrawal from risk. It's veiled with a fear and uncertainty, whether for fear of being misunderstood, unappreciated, overbearing. A person can only put their neck on the line and be injured so many times without some sort of retracting ramification. But I don't want to be that way. I fight it with everything I have.

I spent four solid years not feeling anything. After dad died, nothing phased me. I was unmoved, unemotional, and unwavering. I stood where I wanted to and used every ounce of my heart and soul to keep from being trussed around in the changing winds. Once I came to college, it's almost like a switch flipped. I began to feel, I began to share myself and tear down the defensive steel walls guarding my heart and my being. I revealed myself to others with no filter.

This trend has yet to change. If anything, I'm so confident in who I am that I can't imagine reverting back to the quiet, collected, hidden Kelsi. She's a stranger to me now, someone unfamiliar and distant. Today, I'm full of life and love. I bear my scars for those who care to look. I share my heart with those who care to listen. I've come to realize, if I had something to hide, I'd carry a safe.

But there is nothing to hide. I am who I am. And this is who I hope I will always be, only a little bit better each day.



Tonight I was taken by surprise; I was a little hurt - and a lot confused. I was on the chopping block, and I got knocked down pretty hard. And even when it seems like the only step remaining for me to take is shrinking into a bulletproof shell of defensiveness and fear, I discard it. It's simply not an option.

So I stand, mentally and emotionally trembling, in front of the gauntlet of the future, but I will never back down.






.