This weekend I was reminded of how helpless I am. There's nothing inherently "right" about me, but I can only be made right by the unending flow of grace from Christ.
My life is snowballing into adulthood. Not only is this exciting, but it's incredibly overwhelming. I've explained before how pieces of my life seem like I'm standing in the center of this concentric whirlwind; everything around me is moving so quickly, but my mind and body sit at a perfect standstill. This is where I am again - pictures of the past, present, and future whizzing by without pause. Nothing is clear, nothing is certain, nothing is known, nothing is complete.
I was reminded again of the sovereignty of God. Though this is a basic, fundamental aspect of my beliefs, it's an easy truth to let slip through the cracks of foreshadowing and planning my agenda. Yes, MY agenda. There within lies the catalyst of the whirlwind.
My agenda is selfish. It's a scribbled to-do list that's been designed by the culture in which I was raised. It's a do this, then that - but to avoid this, go here, not there. It's so easy to get caught up in the systematic design of life, so easy to forget the mystery of the will of God. Without fail, I choose to cloud the beauty of God's will for my life with my own blasphemous agenda of pride and conceit - like this life was designed for me, myself, and I - to be prosperous, successful, and self-fulfilling. This is a disgrace to the omnipotence of the the Creator.
God doesn't need me. My actions deserve his just wrath, resulting in the slaughtering of my physical body and my sin-soiled heart. But he has spared me though the blood of his Son.
Praise God.
It shouldn't take a weekend-long retreat in the woods for me to remember my divine purpose, but I'm so thankful that God graced me with the opportunity to be reminded yet again.
As of today, and for the duration of this semester, this year, this season, and this lifetime, I pray that "my" agenda is transformed to a faithful, unwavering trust in the will of God. I pray that God rids me of my foolish pride and haughty independence. I pray that there is an evident change in my demeanor and attitude - that this time of transition in my life is not a focal point of overwhelming impossibility, but that it is an easy relinquishing of power to the Father, so He may reveal His good, pleasing, and perfect will for my life without "me" getting in the way.
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