trusting wholly, not holey

If you would have asked me three years ago if I trusted God, I would have given you a definite, "yes." Today, though, if you asked me the same thing, my answer would go something like this:

For the longest time, trust to me, has meant that I would not be put in harms way; or as mom likes to put it, "The will of God will not put you where the hand of God cannot pull you through." (..or something like that.) Anyway, I believed it. I trusted in it.
Today, I realize that I still believe that statement, but I also believe that trusting God isn't all about just Him "being there" for us when things get tough. Trusting God means giving our lives to Him wholly. Let me illustrate this.
Imagine a piece of paper with the word TRUST on it. The word symbolizes what I believe God has in His hands: school, grades, friends, my job, etc. These are all tangible things that can be easily replaced or improved upon with a little hard work and effort on my part.
As I dig deeper into my life, I realize that I've spent so much time trusting God to do the easy stuff..stuff that I still had a hand on. I've even tried to keep a hand on things that were completely out of my control, tried to carry burdens on my own that were simply impossible to lift.
Now imagine a hole punch. One by one, I punch tiny holes into the word "TRUST." Each hole represents an area of my life where I felt God couldn't come through without my hand in the mix. More and more, the paper becomes more porous with my every thought. Now, the paper isn't as strong as it was to start, and the word has less value; it's tattered and torn. It's holey! Was I really trusting at all?

I was stuck in this mindset of trusting the idea of trusting God.

Should this flimsy, beaten paper be the representation of my love (and trust) for God? Absolutely not!

Returning to school for a new semester has somehow changed my perspective on all of this hole-punching business. Trust isn't about what kind of clouds God can clear out of my overcast sky, but it's about my belief that it's happening when I'm not trying to will it to happen. With my eyes focused on His faithfulness, glory, and wonder, standing in awe of Him and His grace, God is fixing all of the wrongs I've created for myself. Right now. He's doing that. And what's better? He doesn't need me to help. God is God with or without me. I do not add, nor do I take away from His deity.

It's my prayer that I continue to have this attitude of trusting wholly. Solid example: I trust that God will bring me the man of my dreams when the time is right. No more pursuit. Just patience.
God has far better ideas for my future than I do. His timing is perfect. It's pleasing. And it's bright.
..and I trust that.


[Daniel 3] (trust)


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